


Through the Walls (A Cross to Bear)

by Half_SubmergedinPurgatory



Series: TG Prompt Collection [32]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Carrying on Ishida's Torch Metaphor, Gen, Prompt Fic, References Torture and Cannibalism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-14
Updated: 2017-04-14
Packaged: 2018-10-18 22:23:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10626336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Half_SubmergedinPurgatory/pseuds/Half_SubmergedinPurgatory
Summary: ANONYMOUS:okay so, i don't know if you're taking promptes, but i was reading the panels with Seidou / Amon talking through the wall in them and i just thought you would be able to write something revolving around that beautifully ? just them morally supporting each other, i'm guessing Amon would hear Seidou's screams during torture a lot and maybe comfort him maybe(?), etc.. It's up to you, your writing style and general involvement in this fandom is inspiring either way, I hope you have a great day!





	

“How many days has it been?”  
  
Seidou’s voice was quiet, just barely making it through the concrete and into Amon’s ears. He wouldn’t have heard it at all if he wasn’t here, pressed up against the stone, listening for…something ( _all day, every day, never moving_ ).   
  
“Enough.”  
  
Amon responded, rolling his head so his cheek pressed into the cold ( _failing to soothe the raging fever that burned in him every day, the torch in his heart that never went out, God he wanted it to-_ ).   
  
“I don’t want it to be enough.”  
  
Seidou responded ( _a totally different conversation running through his head_ ).   
  
“It will be, though.”  
  
Amon croaked out, thinking back to days spent in a basement, a tenderizer in hand, of how little time that took…  
  
Seidou was silent after that, and Amon tried not to be too grateful ( _the torch in his heart sputtering, but never dying_ ). 

* * *

“I ate again today. How are you…how are you not eating?”  
  
Seidou’s voice was louder today ( _angry…always angry at himself, but Amon was waiting for it to be filled with disgust for Amon_ ).   
  
“They put the food on the floor like I’m a dog. They cut me until I’m hungry and I can’t resist the smell. I’m weak.”  
  
Seidou must be speaking directly against the wall. Amon could feel the tiniest of vibrations running up his ruined arm and shoulder, vibrating through his spine, knocking against his brain ( _calling him a failure_ ).  
  
“You eat to survive.”  
  
Amon murmured, thinking on a time he ate for so much less,  
  
“You eat because you have to, Seidou. I don’t eat for the same reason.”  
  
( _He didn’t eat because he was weaker. He couldn’t tell Seidou that, though_ )

* * *

“I’m a ghoul.”  
  
Seidou was far away from the wall today. He must be on the opposite end of his cell, right where he always went when he ate ( _Amon knew the reason was shame, but he always felt just a little lonelier during those times_ ).   
  
“Are you?”   
  
Amon responded, thinking back on the loud crying he had heard from Seidou’s cell, the violent vomiting, and how he quietly begged for death. How he had the strength to do those things ( _words failed Amon so often these days…he hadn’t moved in so long, though the fever still persisted_ ).   
  
“I ate my mother. Only a monster would do that.”  
  
Seidou’s words were so confident ( _so unlike Eyepatch’s_ ).   
  
“Does a monster ** _know_** it’s a monster? Did you kill her, Seidou?”  
  
He asked, squeezing his eyes shut and focusing on the sound of his subordinate’s breathing. It picked up as Seidou came closer to the wall, some of his skin ( _his hand?_ ) roughly scraping against the stone.   
  
“Does it make a difference?”  
  
Seidou was on the verge of tears - Amon could almost smell the salt past the ever-present tang of blood.   
  
“Does it make a difference to you?”  
  
Amon responded. Seidou was silent, and the torch in Amon’s heart burned a little brighter ( _a little more foolishly_ ).

* * *

Today it was Amon who avoided the wall. He sat in a far corner, desperately ignoring how it was reminiscent of his fellow captive, and called out,  
  
“They shoved a tube down my throat. I…ate.”  
  
A hollow chuckle was the only response he got. It didn’t contain disgust, but it did contain disappointment.

* * *

“You had no choice.”  
  
Seidou whispered later that night, accompanied by the rough scrape of skin against the wall,  
  
“You eat to survive, but you also eat because you have to. Even you can’t overcome a direct line to your stomach, Amon.”

* * *

Amon’s arm healed and the torch burned a little brighter.

* * *

“I’m losing my mind.”   
  
Seidou admitted,  
  
“I killed one of the researchers today. I enjoyed it. It’s easier…being a monster.”

* * *

Amon wiped out the people who came to feed him. The temptation to bite down was enormous, but he restrained himself long enough to be dragged away ( _knowing he would be fed anyway_ ).   
  
Later that night, Seidou pressed up against the wall and didn’t say a word. For once, Amon let his own hands trail against the stone, mapping out what he wished he could say.   
  
( _I’m sorry_ )  
  
( _I wish I could’ve protected you_ )   
  
( _You’re stronger than you think_ )  
  
( _I’m weaker than you thought_ )

* * *

“You’re scared, aren’t you?”  
  
Seidou asked, pacing around the inside of his cell. Amon paused in the middle of the pushups he had been doing and grunted in acknowledgement ( _of course he was scared_ ).   
  
“She’s waiting for you, you know. If you get out of here…you’ll have somewhere to go. You can go with her.”  
  
Seidou was gritting his teeth, but there was no denying the sincerity in what he had to say. Amon walked over to the wall and pressed his face to the stone and whispered,  
  
“She’s also waiting for you. If I can leave here, you can too. You’re not a monster, Seidou. Not when you don’t have to be.”

* * *

Seidou stopped answering after that. Amon kept talking, though.

* * *

“I remember the first mission you ever went on…”

* * *

“Houji used to talk about you. Called you a kid all the time, but I think what he meant was ‘his kid’.”

* * *

“Akira would watch you from across the room. When you were angry, her mouth would take on this sour little twist. I don’t think she ever wanted to fight you…”

* * *

“I remember when you threw up. Your first kill…”

* * *

“The children you taught…”

* * *

“The mistakes you made…”

* * *

“How hard you tried…”

* * *

“You’re human, Seidou.”

* * *

( _The torch burned brighter, enough the eat Amon alive, and somebody came to get him. They took him away and left Seidou behind_ )

* * *

Seidou lost himself in what was easy. Without words on the other side of the wall, only poison ( _like a green apple in the garden, like the green snake presenting it_ ) dripped into his ears. He was a ghoul. He was a ghoul for…so long ( _”How many days has it been?” “Enough.”_ ).   
  
He had eaten. He had almost killed Sasaki Haise ( _”Does a monster know it’s a monster?” Sasaki Haise didn’t seem to know, even though he was the first_ ). He was not failure - he had survived ( _”Does it make a difference?”_ ).   
  
He was a ghoul ( _”I’m losing my mind.”_ ).  
  
Then, he saw Akira ( _”She’s also waiting for you.”_ ) and she protected him. He saved her life ( _”You’re not a monster, Seidou. Not when you don’t have to be.”_ ). And then…  
  
Amon put a cross around his neck ( _”You’re human, Seidou.”_ ).  
  
He wasn’t sure what he was anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt me at my tumblr through purgatoryandme.tumblr.com/ask/ 
> 
> Read previously answered prompts through purgatoryandme.tumblr.com/drabbles/


End file.
